


The Wrong Side Of Heaven

by Moonscar



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Death, Fluff and Angst, Mild Fluff, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, Sonder, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, hero - Freeform, mentioned - Freeform, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-03 21:13:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17291534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonscar/pseuds/Moonscar
Summary: Tony stared down at his glass of vodka, a heavy feeling having settled in his chest.





	The Wrong Side Of Heaven

Tony stared down at his glass of vodka, a heavy feeling having settled in his chest.

He knew that any moment now one of his friends would come up and stop him from falling back to old habits, as they always did. No matter what they always pulled him away, and most of the time he was grateful for it, but this time he just wanted to be left alone in his wallowing to think about... everything.

Think about everyone, to be more specific.

He knows that he shouldn't think to deeply about it, because in their line of work it's o be expected, it;s always bound to happen no matter how hard you try, bu he couldn't help it most of the time. Sometimes he would just be drinking coffee and the image of someone would just pass through his mind swiftly.

The image of someone dying.

The image of people screaming for help, crying and dying. The image of loved ones being heart broken as they run away from danger, or stay where their loved one has just died.

The image of parents losing their kids, or kids losing their parents.

That ruins people, but in this world it will always happen, always exist, and that's why the hero's exist.

 

Hero

 

None of them are heroes, that's what Tony has learned through out the years of doing this job. The public may say they are, but the truth is that they can put on the facade of hero's for the sake of others that surround them, the others who are victims to the attacks. The put a facade of being strong and unmoved  to reassure everyone, save as much people as possible and try to evacuate people to create as less casualties as possible. They try to be the rock for people, to help them from falling in between the cracks and pretend that everything is under control, pretend that the person didn't just watch their loved one get crushed under a building or blown up into millions of pieces to never be seen again.

But the truth is, none of them are made of stone.

They can pretend though, for the people to feel safer and feel more secure with the fact that they are all holding the safety of the world in their hands.

At this point Tony doesn't know if he always thinks about these people to somehow keep a fucked up memory of them if no one else can, or because he is selfish enough to think he is even worthy of thinking of the deaths he second handedly caused.

In a way he also knows it's not fair that he blames himself for every death, because if the villains weren't there in the first place no one would die prematurely. 

As he said, it's inevitable to witness death in this line of work.

Maybe that's why he sort of looks up to Peter, because no matter if they are the bad guy or the good guy, he always tries to save them, no matter how much they've hurt him personally or hurt other people. He is able to be sonder , to see that everyone has a past and a life as complex as his own and able to see that someone out there most likely cares for the person he is fighting with. He is able to see behind that 'villain' mask. He see's the possibility of a kid missing their parent of their uncle, someone missing their lover or friend or someone missing their kid.

He is able to know that sometimes they will be waiting for their loved one to come back home for years, never knowing their dead.

The kid would never be able to do that to someone, probably wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy.

It makes him so much stronger than any of the others, and that's why Tony was so quick to jump the gun and offer him a place in the Avengers after only one accomplished 'mission'.

A self imposed mission, but a mission none-the-less.

Because no matter how 'heroic' they all seem, they all hide behind a mask by killing others, saying that it's the 'bad guys' and how that suddenly makes it all okay, makes it okay for them to kill the people they are faced with.

It's cowardly on their part. 

Tony is guilty of hiding behind that mask as well.

Of course though, it's necessary most of the time for them. They don't take on smaller crimes and tend to just take on anything that threatens the world, which is a big feat in itself. But the fact that Peter is willing to do both the big, world changing events and smaller petty crimes does allot for him. Maybe he doesn't save thousands of people at a time, or the whole world (yet again, he doesn't lose thousands of them everytime he goes out either) But he has saved hundreds and thousands of singular people from death, theft and other traumatic experiences. 

 

He even saves the villains, which is a miracle in itself.

 

He saved the Vulture, someone who had attempted to kill him multiple times and had caused one of the most traumatic experiences in his life, something that follows him even to this day. Even with that he pulled him out of the fire and just left him to the police.

 

Tony wouldn't be able to do that, he knows he wouldn't.

 

He also knows that most of the other Avengers wouldn't either.

 

Peter may just be a kid, but he is more mature than anyone his age, even if he is sometimes too optimistic and jumpy, always eager to please and sometimes doesn't realize the true danger behind an event. 

He still has a lot to learn, but he knows the things that truly matter, and that's all Tony can ask for.

 

Tony let out a loud sigh and chugged down the rest of the vodka, relishing in the burning of the alcohol sliding down his throat.

 

The door to the common room opened and Tony let out a hollow chuckle and glanced up, a small smile gracing his lips.

 

"Hello Mr.Stark! What are we working on today?''

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really like this one that much if I'm being completely honest- I'm mostly projecting though.
> 
> I'm someone who is very aware of Sonder, maybe too much so.
> 
> The Wrong Side Of Heaven is a song btw
> 
> Please leave a comment and tell me what you think! I love reading them and replying to them-


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